The early chapters of the Bell Jar pictured Esther as a character who was easy to relate to. Sure, I sometimes agreed with the points made in A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man and the Catcher in the Rye, but I still had some reservations. Both Stephen and Holden were hypocritical (and quite infuriating) at times. On the other hand, I felt a strong connection with Esther -- a striking feminist with a drive to overachieve.
In class discussions, yes, I enjoy thinking on the other side of things: I felt that Esther labeling Buddy a hypocrite was unjust and I think Esther lacks a sense of communication. However, I, like Esther, relate to her thoughts like “how can I keep up my GPA?” If I was about to witness two people “getting it on,” I’d also try to escape as fast as possible. Additionally, Esther’s reaction to the question, “what do you want to do in the future?” really hit home for me because I honestly don’t have a solid answer either. I saw Esther as a reflection of myself -- dare I say, I was the sleep-deprived Chinese woman in the mirror. I had seen myself in Esther more deeply than any other fictional character before. Yet the minute Esther started her summer in the suburbs, I felt cut off…
Before we began the novel, we were warned the novel contained some dark chapters and I thought I felt prepared. I remember Zona making a point in class about how the novel almost seems to divide itself into two completely different stories. I agree completely because I felt a sudden disconnect from the Esther I had begun to love -- as if my reflection in her shattered. Mr. Mitchell added on to that thought: the beginning chapters of the novel give us the background and significance of Esther’s downward spiral. Had I gone into this novel not knowing about Esther’s initial quirks and personality, I wouldn’t feel so… betrayed? Betrayed by the fact that one can disintegrate so quickly page by page, I didn’t really want to believe that such an issue could exist.
I think a better way to describe my shock is that it scared me. Even though I knew beforehand that the Bell Jar would take a dark turn, I didn’t think it would affect me so much. To think a character who I had seen so much of myself in break into shattered pieces of their former self broke my heart. Reading each suicidal thought felt painful: Her descriptions about her life grew cold and objectifying and all I could do was read it happen before me.
Esther became so numb to everything; How could it be so easy to fall so far? Why did it happen to a character as capable as Esther? I believe that’s what makes the Bell Jar so powerful. As a reader, we’re stuck on the observation deck unable to reach out and warn the characters we read -- like the frustrating feeling one gets when watching a stereotypical horror film. Maybe making us feel so helpless towards Esther’s struggles was Plath’s goal all along?
I agree, Esther was a much more relateable character for me in the first few chapters. I think that many of the questions she struggles with feel familiar to Uni students, especially "what are you going to do with your life?" It's just really terrifying to see how quickly Esther's condition worsens. By the time she's in the suburbs, readers have already gotten to know Esther a little, so we can understand the gravity of her situation more than other characters (like Dr. Gordon or Mrs. Greenwood).
ReplyDeleteI felt this. I remember one time in class when I think Mr. Mitchell said something about Esther overachieving and building herself up for goals (aka college) instead of living in the moment, and we all groaned/laughed because we saw ourselves in her to a tee. It really is scary to see her take such a turn, especially as we discover the fact that she becomes so upset with the gender roles that society perpetuates to the point that it is a major cause for her mental illness. On a bright side, I think it's awesome that our society is becoming increasingly aware of patriarchal injustice, so we (at least in our Western society) are less isolated in our "radical" thoughts as Esther was. Still scary, nonetheless.
ReplyDeleteI agree, there's a huge shift between the narration of NYC and suburbs Esther. I think that shift is especially powerful because it's based on Plath's own depressive episode. She's more qualified than anyone to write about it, and that makes Esther's loss of self so much scarier. It also makes Dr. Gordon's dismissal of Esther so frustrating, because we know how wrong this new narration is, but he's unwilling to listen to her.
ReplyDeleteIt is really hard to see how fast a person who seems so well off can fall. I think that this goes to show that all people can be hit by mental illness. Even with a somewhat more prominent emphasis on mental illness nowadays, the fundamentals of it are still lost on us. While I couldn't relate to her the same way, having to see the turn between the first and second halves of the novel was disturbing.
ReplyDeleteI think that the second half of this novel can be compared in many ways to a horror story, as we're basically watching a person become possessed by something like an evil spirit (which is of course how depression and bipolar disorder were understood in pre-psychology days). Plath makes this dimension unnervingly apparent when she has Esther's own speaking voice change--when she hears herself talking over the phone in a "zombie voice," and that zombie keeps saying "crazy" things on her behalf. This idea of being so detached from your own speaking voice is horrifying at a number of levels, and I like how you describe the helplessness of the reader as we watch the downward spiral--very like our impulse to warn or help the hapless victims in a horror movie.
ReplyDeleteThe scariest part is realizing how much you relate to Esther, and how fragile the break was for her. It makes you wonder how easily you yourself can break too.
ReplyDeleteI definitely understand the fear reading the book. I was often struck with a sort of horror reading the second half of the book, and I definitely often thought about how much I related to Esther in the beginning, and how if it could happen to her, could it happen to me?
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